Saturday, December 16, 2006
Project One Year - an update
Almost a year ago, I began writing a column for the newspaper I work for which followed my efforts to lose 100 pounds. I started the year with high hopes, however, as time marched on and the year grew older, I suffered much failure. Let me reiterate -- public failure. I cannot count the times that readers came up to me and joked about my failure. Most of them were good natured jokes, I'm sure, so I didn't go home and cry over a half gallon of ice cream or anything.

It was a full gallon.

Here is the second to last column of the year, along with the artwork I drew for the piece as it appears in Saturday's paper.

Project One Year : Last minute weight loss ideas
Current weight: 343
Weight on Nov. 21: 347
Weight lost: 4 pounds
Starting weight: 351
Left to lose: 92 pounds

I lost four pounds since I last wrote - a bit of last minute success in my yearlong quest to lose 100 pounds.

Now, I just have to lose only 92 more pounds within the next two weeks if I want to win that trip to the Bahamas our publisher promised.

In true come-from-behind fashion, I aim to astonish everyone and, against all odds, pull off the almost impossible task.

I’ve even come up with some strategies.

Idea one - Eat vegetables. A lot of people criticized me during my weight loss efforts for not eating vegetables. Well, with recent E. coli scares involving green onions, spinach, and now lettuce, and god knows what else will be next, my fear of vegetables finally seems prudent! Furthermore, I say avoid all vegetables - cookies may save your life!

However, in the interest of losing weight, I will suffer for the remaining two weeks of the year, and eat “rabbit food” in hopes of hitting a “bad batch.” With any luck, I’ll land in a hospital, where I would lose a lot of weight. And, if I am lucky enough to eat a bad batch at a restaurant, I could win millions in a payoff to avoid a lawsuit!

Idea two - Start using drugs. Sure, I'm a bit late in the game to start a drug habit, but man, crack would probably do the trick! While I won't pretend to know any actual crack aficionados, I do watch police dramas on TV. And who better than rich Hollywood script writers to accurately portray the lives of inner city people struggling with drug habits? In all my years of watching police dramas, I have YET to see a fat crack head! The downside of course is that drugs are illegal, and oh yeah, they may kill you, so on to the next idea.

Idea three - Prayer. Maybe if I pray really, really hard, God will somehow allow me to shed a miraculous 92 pounds. If millionaire pro football players can pray for their team to win, why can’t I pray for God to make me a little less round? Further, if the story of God using Adam’s rib to make Eve, is true, I would propose he use my flesh to create a woman. We wouldn’t want 91 pounds of flesh to go to waste, would we? With 91 pounds, he would have enough for at least two, maybe three, supermodels.

Speaking of supermodels, I could take a page from socialite/model/horrible singer/unintentional porn star Paris Hilton’s enemies and get into a celebrity catfight with Hilton.

Idea four - Celebrity catfight. Hey, it worked for Nicole Ritchie AND Lindsay Lohan! Both of them were (by Hollywood standards) ENORMOUS porkers (i.e., within 5 pounds of normal weight) before getting into tabloid headline grabbing catfights with the infamous Hilton. Now, look at them!

Well, you'd have to look hard, because there isn't much left of either of them to see. In fact, at just the right angle, they actually disappear from most people's field of vision. Getting into a tabloid war with Hilton might prove difficult, though given that we both travel in slightly different social circles.

Idea five - Surgery. A more realistic solution, and one that many people recommended, might be surgery. I could probably lose 92 pounds in an afternoon at the hands of a skilled surgeon and a large vacuum. Of course, to spend thousands of dollars to go on a trip that might not cost more than a few hundred dollars would be a pretty dumb move on my part. You'd have to be… oh, I don't know… as dumb as Paris Hilton to do something like that!
Yeah, girl, it's on!
Bring it!


posted by Blogger Dad at 2:05 AM - 0 comments

Wednesday, December 13, 2006
the writing life
Behind the scenes of my day job at the newspaper.

Wow - the past two days have been pretty hectic. On Monday night, we got a tip that a local police agency was working with Dateline to do a "To catch a predator" sting. Our city netted 21 arrests, which seemed kinda' low compared to the number you normally see arrested on the show. Most of the arrests were out of the area people who drove to meet what they thought would be an underage child.

Interestingly, one was a police officer from Alabama, who allegedly was found to have the following items in his car: rope, duct tape, automatic weapons, and... possibly an anchor.

I asked the police chief during a press conference if he thought the cop planned to kill the child he thought he was going to meet. He gave me a "no comment." The Dateline episode will air in February on NBC. With an arrest that shocking, I'm sure it will have lots of people talking. I'm shocked that NBC hasn't started a weekly "To Catch a Predator" TV show. Certainly, they'd never run out of "stars."

Tonight, I went to two city meetings, one which was packed to the rim with angry residents opposing a developer's plans to build a three story apartment complex and possibly put an emergency road right in their back yard.

There is a certain buzz in the air in a packed room full of angry people.

It's interesting to watch the chemistry in the room as events like this unfold. If you look around, you will see quite an array of different personalities in the room. You may see a guy chomping at the bit, struggling to control himself until given a chance to talk during the public speaking portion. You might see someone very very sure of their position, smiling arrogantly and muttering angrily under their breaths. Then there are the silent ones, who really seem like they want to speak out, but won't. Either out of shyness or out of frustration. Sometimes people get so beaten down by things never going their way that they just sit silently, not thinking that their voice will matter.

One thing I've learned in the year of covering my city beat is that nothing changes unless people take part in government. There are so many ways to get screwed. Whether it be an unsavory business setting up in your neighborhood, a developer destroying land, a government passing an ordinance which will affect you, or just the daily spending habits of your government which you, the taxpayer will ultimately pay for. When people pay attention, they can oftentimes come together and prevail against such things.

It just takes involvement.

However, given that most people are too busy just working and trying to live their lives, they find it hard to stay informed and vigil. A good newspaper, in my opinion, helps to inform people of the important things.

Well, that's enough for tonight. I just finished and posted both of my comic strips. It was difficult to finish them on a night I'm so tired. I hope it isn't evident in the final product.


posted by Blogger Dad at 1:14 AM - 1 comments

Sunday, December 10, 2006
'tis the season

I know, when I think of Christmas, I usually think of Snoop Dogg.

I mean, who else embodies the spirit of Christmas better than "America's Most Lovable Pimp" Snoop D-O-Double G?

I would put a joke here, but hell, if the cover alone doesn't make you laugh, then I don't think anything I can write will.

TV Alert: If you're looking for something to fill the void of no "Heroes" until January, may I suggest the following? Six Feet Under's Peter Krause, who owned the role of tortured Nate, is on TV again - though for a limited engagement in the miniseries, The Lost Room which will air Mon, Tues and Wed. on the Sci-Fi channel. The concept of the show is very cool sounding, so I'll be checking it out.
Read a review here.

Music: You know how sometimes a video can make a good song EVEN BETTER? This is not one of those times...
My first ever "Award for worst video for best song" goes to Damien Rice and the video for "9 Crimes". While the song itself is nothing short of hauntingly beautiful, the video, well... watch and judge for yourself.
However, if Lisa Hannigan were a singing balloon, I would want a room full of them.

Labels: ,

posted by Blogger Dad at 9:03 PM - 1 comments
Welcome to the first blog post. The idea of this blog is to share with readers.

Sometimes I'll share links to things I (or more likely another blogger) found on the internets such as cool TV shows, music, videos and other junk. Other times, I'll share stories, whether they be behind the scenes of my comic and writing processes or slice of life stories from my daily routine.

Most importantly, though, I hope to share ideas -- things which might inspire thought, conversation, debate, or just a new way to consider things.

Ideas are the closest thing to magic I think we can know, especially when they seem to come out of nothing.

You might even know the feeling. You're sitting at your desk going about your life, when suddenly, the seed of the idea forms in your head. Like fire, it burns bright, impossible to ignore, demanding to be seen, contemplated, UNDERSTOOD. You HAVE to stop whatever you are doing to work through the idea, in hopes of turning it over in your mind, and expanding on it. Suddenly, that idea is electric, spawning new ideas, your whole body ALIVE with the concepts.

I'm not sure if this is a feeling known only to artists, but it is the reason I feel a special kinship with artists no matter what their medium. They all understand that kinetic magic in a special way.

Ideas can come from anywhere. A book, a sign you saw on the way to work, a chance conversation overheard on a crowded street, patterns your mind sees in the clouds, water droplets streaming down a pane of cold glass on a rainy day, admiring the pattern of the cracked bottom of a ceramic coffee mug... anywhere.

Maybe even a silly blog with delusions of grandeur.

Feel free to comment and share your ideas in this or any post.

Thanks for reading,


posted by Blogger Dad at 9:00 PM - 0 comments

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About Me
Name: Blogger Dad
Florida, United States
About Me:
I was a reporter at a Florida newspaper, where I covered city politics and draw editorial comics. Now, I'm a Blogger Dad (click the link for my webpage - the blog on the bottom is for Todd and Penguin) in search of a job and attempting to write a book or four. I'm also a cartoonist, how most of you know me, who draws Todd and Penguin, Taking Up Space and the occasional other titles, featured on I'm married (sorry, all you ladies interested in overweight guys who spend too much time drawing) and have a one year old son and two cats. Three of the above mentioned poop way too much!
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